30 in 30 2014

For anybody who’s not familiar or new to me, this was a project set up by my Creative Writing teacher, who’s a wonderful guy and one of the smartest people I know. Just about everything he’s told me has been right or fairly wise. So, the project dictates to write 30 poems in 30 days. It is so much harder than it seems, and I fail every year, but it really forces me to look at myself and my surroundings, and get oriented again. I can sit down and have some peace.

These were my entries for 2014. The 2015 challenge hasn’t happened so far- tried, but I was way too caught up with other stuff.

An Anthology By: Serena Lommasson

1-Monday, January 27th, 2014
I’m just waiting
For a sense of Belonging
To Belong Again
Come Again
That’s I guess what
We come down
To anyway

2-Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
To Be Honest
We’re so lucky for
A minute silence in
A decade screams
To Be Honest
Alone is quite
A killer companion
A killer vice, oh man
But just when flesh flees, dear
To Be Honest
To Be Honest, Though
We just really want
We are stuttered sad
Fractured flowers
Good guys
But porcelain dolls, mind you
Just nail your hope back together
It will move
You along

3-Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
Believe me or
-Some people don’t-
You know, I COULD
String us all back together
And hang it like holiday
If I absolutely wished
But nobody really did much around here
For me
The scenery never quite did it for me
I mean, did you
Ever see people begging
For encores of the War on Terror?
No, you fucking- you, just-
Viewers like you
Thank you

4-Thursday, January 30th, 2014
Seems to
Remember their childhood in
One hundred small,
Candy-coated tablets
And the choking hazard
That comes in the

5-Friday, January 31st, 2014
This should be
My last night as a casualty
And your last night sleeping
On doorsteps
I just wish I had gone deaf for the worst parts
Kid soldiers still with dolls
All liars
We’re so good at this by now
Right? Right? Right?
In coats of fresh paint and shocker, new hate
We’re not new people, just replacements
Sweetie, you should really go home,
It’s getting late.

6-Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Oh My Gosh
Atrophied hearts
Tell me something I don’t know.
Chapped lips stutter white lies and
Grey smiles keep blank promises as always
As always as always as always
Oh gosh, it was always you
This just isn’t my type of thing anymore
I’m not one of those…..what are they called
I guess we should just leave before we
Regret everything

7-Sunday, February 2nd, 2014
Today has a Tomorrow
And You have your Other
So what do you have to whine about?
Spend all the rest of your
Doubtful life
Skipping away black minutes
And red seconds
Because if they’re not real, then
Maybe nothing is

8-Monday, February 3rd, 2014
I guess go ahead
Tell them about me
Tell them what a tragedy
I was
About how
All I wanted was to
I think you’ll be the criminal
I never left you I listened
I loved
I’m just a wreck, aren’t I?

9-Tuesday, February 4th, 2014
So, is the eye twitch a
Habit or you
Just think it makes
You more interesting?
Does your head
Swim to
Think or
Do you really love me?
Are we all just
On new ground and all or
Do we need actual things to
Talk about
Have together
Screw it, that’s what everyone
Else has, you know
And they aren’t very happy
I’ve seen it
So I’ll take my own pain medications,
Thank you very much.

10-Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
Will you just have a heart attack already?
You don’t even have to be
Kind enough to go anywhere with it-
But you don’t know scared
And I know you don’t know scared
And no power that be seems willing
To teach you that lesson
Or at least your
Phone could just go
Dead in the middle of nowhere
I want fear out of you.
I feel like it’s something we would
Be able to see trailing behind you
Because your mother has always
Been in reach at all times
Hell, I could find her
Always had milk in the fridge
Money in your pocket
Feeling in your legs-
Cuz really, the deal is why you’re not afraid of anything-
Why no one’s given you anything to fear yet-
Sweetie- you just might have a lot more coming than you
Even deserve

11-Thursday, February 6th, 2014
The Planet Is Fine
Grasp the Idea That Only
The People Are Fucked

12-Friday, February 7th, 2014
I want to hear the voices echo off
The ghost of one of our dusty field walks
Listen to “You Are My Sunshine”
In your living room, wearing that
Purple dress you love so much, so much
In fact you took it for four months straight.
We’ll wear lipstick and rings on our fingers
-And you’ll try and tell me who’s staring at me-
And it’ll all be over if I listen.

13-Saturday, February 8th, 2014
Oh, I want to paint suffering
I want to write about a colorblind monster
Who tears and wears and destructs
And doesn’tgiveafuckwhoyouare
Oh, I want to give you the world!
I want to tell you this is the end
I want to spoon-feed little babies lies, like
We are at the epitome of our destiny and
This is the bravest world, mad and tilted as it looks
Right now
It actually knows best
Be ever so grateful I hate indiscriminately I am
Colorblind at heart I

14-Sunday, February 9th, 2014
When I figure out
How to administer amnesia I’ll call
It won’t have any more emergence than my
Same call every other Sunday
At four in the afternoon on the dot
And if you don’t pick up on the third ring
I will hang up.

15-Monday, February 10th, 2014

Oh holy hell I’d give anything for you
To give me the silent treatment.
You don’t understand what I would sacrifice, I would
Actually give all the fingers on my right hand for you
To get throat cancer
And your tongue to swell to the size of your head
And I’d never have to hear you again
You don’t HAVE to die
Just shut up.
I saw a man with throat cancer once.
It could be a promising future for you.
Just……away from me.

16- Tuesday, February, 11th, 2014
Halfway down the steps
Starting my morning coffee
I can hear you
One small “Excuse me”
“Hey, how you doing?”
I can feel you
Going through your old stuff
Throwing it away
I can still smell you
Talking about you, though?
There’s not really much to miss

17- Wednesday, February 12th, 2014
Who are you to call me sweet?
How do you know?
Do you know what sweet even tastes like?
Is it even real, given the day and age?
How do you know I haven’t soured?
Old age and disgrace and too much hate
Kept me golden now got me in stone
How do you know I’m not broken?
Like toy planes thrown off the roof at the wrong moment
Rethinking it now, right?
So maybe you should be careful
Maybe I can hurt

18-Thursday, February, 13th, 2014
You don’t
Understand I want
To be with you through
Thick and thin
I can’t wait to pick fights and
I’ll let you win
I want to be the story behind
Your deepest scar and
Be your brightest star
I can be your favorite fairytale
And Peter Pan, we can fly together
And you can be morphine, I’ll be whatever
You be deaf and I’ll be blind
At least we don’t tell lies
We could be gruesome
But it’s still a fairytale

19-Friday, February, 14th, 2014
I could watch
Him double over in laughter
For the rest of my life.
Eyes shut tight and wide, crazy smile gasping for breath.
Clutching his stomach for it
Then he finally looks at me
And I realize I get to take credit for it
And I think I’m the only one here
Who could care so much

20-Saturday, February 15th, 2014

I must be a perpetual panic attack
Look at what I’m wearing
And I bet if I asked them to stare
They’d stare more
The more the merrier
So what? I should walk faster or slower to
Escape the suburban paparazzi?
High school drool, as it is
It only is
I don’t know what anyone’s
Doing, not being more discreet
You may as well
Rip off my clothes right here
It would actually be less violating
Well, wouldn’t that just THRILL the masses
Just what we need

21-Sunday, February 16th, 2014
I guess the serious
Word on the street is
Where the hell were you in our absence?
Where are you going from here?

22-Monday, February 17th, 2014
Your life is a tall drink of water.
It is all your happiness, worth, livelihood- all.
Imagine it never spills, just figuratively, for a whole lifetime
Not even for the prospect of being selfish
This is your self-worth we are concerned with.
Are you worth anything ever at all?
And this glass slowly fills, slow as it possibly can
At first. Through the hard years.
But this glass is designed to get you through them.
You can do this.
It picks up pace, though, and soon.
The droplets that fill are teary and lovely and
All sorts of the miraculous things one can
Do in a lifetime
And this is when it dawns on you
That your glass is actually quite tiny.
But it is full.
Simply let it spill.

23-Tuesday, February 18th, 2014
If everything good
Happened all at once
And it all went bad all at once,
You’d be like me, dear.
Scrambling for the good
That I keep squishing beneath my feet.

24-Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
I want to see cracks in skin, permanent tan lines pressed.
I want to hear wrinkled voices, disgusting and disgustingly happy.
I want to choke secondhand smoke, child
That’s not something you can just lie about.
I want to grow up with brittle bones and os-that-what’s-it-called
I want your dress seams to disagree always.
I want to know the earth will not be soft when I fall
And take the hardest of breaths climbing stairs.
I want to keep your hands from shaking, my pet
You can’t take old age away from me just yet.

25-Thursday, February 20th, 2014
I love his questions.
What is that?
Does it hurt?
Where were you?
Are you going to be okay?
Did you miss me, too?
Will you be there?
Can I come with you?
May I come with you?
Is it alright if I come with you?

26-Friday, February, 21st, 2014
Red Lips White Lies Blue-Bloods
I Know Exactly What You Mean
Noone wants dreams no more they
Want flesh dumbass
Blood and sweat
This is your social life, love
Is the shock coming through the static or
“No Sir, I am not hard of hearing.
I do not speak mutter.”

27-Saturday, February, 22nd, 2014
What? Does duct tape
Hold your heart together
Do priests cover it in roses
Monthly to hide the smell?
But don’t blame them, for shit’s sake.
I don’t want to hear some schizophrenia I
Want answers
You’re a mess
Messmessmess; but
I guess I respect that you’ve never stopped

28-Sunday, February, 23rd, 2014
If ignorance is
Supposed to be
Bliss, I
Hereby declare

29-Monday, February 24th, 2014
Taking too much discipline
Not confronting you

30-Tuesday, February, 25th, 2014
Your one-size-too
Small suit shows the lithe
Of your track-team six-foot
Black coff-
Taking that back


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